Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
