He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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