I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
