I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you will always have a special place in my vag
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
