Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
