Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
