Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
