dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize