the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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