Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
