This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
