I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
