We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
