yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
