Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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