the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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