I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
