I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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