would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
True strength comes from lack of pants
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
