My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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