Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
