Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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