I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
