i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
