Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
even my farts smell like vagina
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
