My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
