Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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