We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
