The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
