It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
