I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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