I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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