He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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