i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
