You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
