it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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