dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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