were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
