apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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