my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
