I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
