Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
