I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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