I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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