Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
