we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
