Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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