there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
