tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
