we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I currently don't understand fingers.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
