I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
