Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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