Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
