he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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