Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
