That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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