I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
