i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
