talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
