Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
