$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
