i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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