so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
