P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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