You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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