I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
