She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
