I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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