we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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