Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
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Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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