One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
