Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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