my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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